How to Advocate for Yourself at the Doctor’s Office
… especially when you’re living with chronic illness
You feel the familiar sensations rising throughout your body as you sit in the doctor’s office—heart pounding, ears straining to make out every sound from the hallway, trying to decipher unintelligible words just feet away. You are hopeful that this time will be different - that you’ll finally get an answer to the new, scary symptom in your body.
But once the new provider enters, everything seems to move so fast. You’re left with a familiar heaviness: sadness, frustration, and the ache of once again feeling unheard. No progress made. Unclear where to go next.
All too often, the individuals I work with share their own versions of this experience—moments when their concerns were dismissed, minimized, or explained away. The anger is real: the energy, pain, sleepless nights, and mental stress you pushed through just to show up... only to leave feeling like it was pointless. As you have already know: our healthcare system is deeply broken.
Unfortunately, these experiences are far too common—especially for women navigating undiagnosed or misunderstood chronic health conditions like connective tissue disorders or autoimmune diseases. Of course, there are many providers who are compassionate and supportive, and some of these strategies may not apply in every situation. But if you’ve ever left an appointment feeling dismissed, this blog offers a few tools to help you feel more grounded, empowered, and prepared.
Bring a Support Person to Your Medical Appointment
It can be infuriating to feel like you have to “prove” your pain. And while it shouldn't be necessary, having another person in the room can sometimes shift how your concerns are received.
Whether it’s a significant other, family member, or friend, consider bringing someone along who can:
Take notes during the visit
Offer details about how your condition impacts daily life
Provide calm presence for you while you advocate for yourself
Beforehand, talk about the role you’d like them to play. And of course, choose someone you trust and feel comfortable speaking openly in front of.
How to Prepare for Your Doctor's Appointment with Chronic Illness
Pain, anxiety, and poor sleep can all cloud your ability to think clearly during an appointment. You may forget key questions, struggle to process new information, or find it hard to ask follow-ups.
Preparation can help. Try jotting questions in your phone’s Notes app, or bring a physical list. Consider reviewing recent test results ahead of time to help you form targeted questions. None of this is “too much.” It’s wise self-advocacy—and it’s allowed.
How to Manage Anxiety Before a Medical Appointment
Stress and anxiety often show up uninvited—especially the night before an important appointment. Thoughts spiral:
What if I can’t get out of bed in time? What if they don’t believe me? What if they say it’s not serious enough?
Anxiety is trying to help—it wants to protect you from being dismissed again. But when it takes the wheel, it can steal your rest and make it harder to show up clearly.
Here are a few ways to move anxiety into the backseat:
Slow your breathing (even just noticing air through your nose if deep breaths are painful)
Listen to calming audio or a supportive podcast
Go over your prep list and gently remind yourself: I’ve done what I can. I’ll respond to whatever happens as it comes.
You don’t need to feel fearless—you just need to stay connected to your voice.
Final Thoughts
These tools won’t erase the emotional toll of being misunderstood by the medical system—but they can help you feel more steady, more prepared, and more able to advocate for your needs with confidence.
If you’re looking for a space to process these experiences and learn more expansive strategies to reconnect with your voice - I’d be honored to support you.
