How to Advocate for Yourself at the Doctor’s Office

… especially when you’re living with chronic illness

You feel the familiar sensations rising throughout your body as you sit in the doctor’s office—heart pounding, ears straining to make out every sound from the hallway, trying to decipher unintelligible words just feet away. You are hopeful that this time will be different - that you’ll finally get an answer to the new, scary symptom in your body.

But once the new provider enters, everything seems to move so fast. You’re left with a familiar heaviness: sadness, frustration, and the ache of once again feeling unheard. No progress made. Unclear where to go next.

All too often, the individuals I work with share their own versions of this experience—moments when their concerns were dismissed, minimized, or explained away. The anger is real: the energy, pain, sleepless nights, and mental stress you pushed through just to show up... only to leave feeling like it was pointless. As you have already know: our healthcare system is deeply broken.

Unfortunately, these experiences are far too common—especially for women navigating undiagnosed or misunderstood chronic health conditions like connective tissue disorders or autoimmune diseases. Of course, there are many providers who are compassionate and supportive, and some of these strategies may not apply in every situation. But if you’ve ever left an appointment feeling dismissed, this blog offers a few tools to help you feel more grounded, empowered, and prepared.

Bring a Support Person to Your Medical Appointment

It can be infuriating to feel like you have to “prove” your pain. And while it shouldn't be necessary, having another person in the room can sometimes shift how your concerns are received.

Whether it’s a significant other, family member, or friend, consider bringing someone along who can:

• Take notes during the visit

• Offer details about how your condition impacts daily life

• Provide calm presence for you while you advocate for yourself

Beforehand, talk about the role you’d like them to play. And of course, choose someone you trust and feel comfortable speaking openly in front of.

How to Prepare for Your Doctor's Appointment with Chronic Illness

Pain, anxiety, and poor sleep can all cloud your ability to think clearly during an appointment. You may forget key questions, struggle to process new information, or find it hard to ask follow-ups.

Preparation can help. Try jotting questions in your phone’s Notes app, or bring a physical list. Consider reviewing recent test results ahead of time to help you form targeted questions. None of this is “too much.” It’s wise self-advocacy—and it’s allowed.

How to Manage Anxiety Before a Medical Appointment

Stress and anxiety often show up uninvited—especially the night before an important appointment. Thoughts spiral:
What if I can’t get out of bed in time? What if they don’t believe me? What if they say it’s not serious enough?

Anxiety is trying to help—it wants to protect you from being dismissed again. But when it takes the wheel, it can steal your rest and make it harder to show up clearly.

Here are a few ways to move anxiety into the backseat:

• Slow your breathing (even just noticing air through your nose if deep breaths are painful)

• Listen to calming audio or a supportive podcast

• Go over your prep list and gently remind yourself: I’ve done what I can. I’ll respond to whatever happens as it comes.

You don’t need to feel fearless—you just need to stay connected to your voice.

How to Ask Your Doctor to Document Your Concerns

There’s often a lot to track with chronic illness. If your provider disagrees with something important to you—like a test, referral, or symptom—you can respectfully request that it be noted in your chart.

The goal isn’t to challenge their authority in the appointment—it’s to support communication across your care team and help you process the plan after the appointment. It also gives you something to refer back to, especially if further advocating becomes necessary. While your provider may not always agree to document it, the hope is that it creates a clearer medical record and invites more open dialogue.

There may be times when you don’t feel comfortable asking—or when you’d prefer not to have something formally documented. But in situations where you’re concerned about a symptom and believe it could be helpful to have a paper trail, it’s okay to ask for that support in your chart.

Try saying:

• “Just so I can clearly remember the plan and share it with my care team, would you mind noting in the chart that we discussed this and why it’s not recommended to evaluate further?”

• “It helps me keep track when things are written down. Would you be open to noting your recommendation in the chart regarding this issue so I have a clear understanding of next steps?”

This approach is meant to support clarity and continuity in your care—and to help ensure your voice is reflected in the plan. If a provider isn’t open to collaborative conversation, it’s okay to take note of how that feels and spend time after the appointment considering whether a different fit might better support your needs.

Final Thoughts

These tools won’t erase the emotional toll of being misunderstood by the medical system—but they can help you feel more steady, more prepared, and more able to advocate for your needs with confidence.

If you’re looking for a space to process these experiences and learn more expansive strategies to reconnect with your voice - I’d be honored to support you.